Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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