mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
