don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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