that's an acceptable place to lick
you didnt know i had herpes?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
