Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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