just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
