who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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