dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
