apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
