The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
