Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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