it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
