Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
