I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
