I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
