i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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