obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
