oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
