dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
