Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
