just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
