When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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