Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
