why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
