I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
