If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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