i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
