Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
