His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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