But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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