Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
