how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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