Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
