i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
