I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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