My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
