My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
