The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
