i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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