She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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