Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Boobs are out for the taking
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
