"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
