hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
