he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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