I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
