he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
