So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
