It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
