But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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