Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize