I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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