Too much gin, very little bucket
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
