Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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