we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
