I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
