would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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