i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
