It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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