Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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