my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize