You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
