I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
