I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
