well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Mom said you looked used
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
