Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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