Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
