Say something about gay babies.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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