guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize