I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
