I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
