Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
