Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
