What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
