Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
