R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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