i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
