She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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