i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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