He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Blood and glitter go together right?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
